Life according to CP

2004-05-15T19:47:00.000-04:00

Please stop by again soon

With new year and new season means new background. So I hope to be around more to share my 'Deep Thoughts' with all of you. Thank you for coming!

2004-05-15T19:16:00.000-04:00

Hello Stanger

What can I say? I've gone through 2 seasons now without a word. I know. And I'm sorry. Not that I haven't had any blog-worthy things to say. I've just been out of practice.

For those who don't know what's going on in my life other than what is said here, I'm still in Indiana. Doing the daily grind of corporate life. Full time health insurance confusion. Tom is without employment still. Living on my income, two weeks left of unemployment, a little savings and really big prayers!

God has taken very good care of us during this time of uncertainty. It's scary. But it's ok. I know it will be.

The fibro is the same. **ow**..... I'm so thankful for pain medication! Gives me the opportunity to live a semi-ordinary life outside of my oh-so-comfortable bed.

Speaking of bed.....it's calling me. I must retire to it now. But I'll be back soon......I promise!

2003-09-21T12:19:00.000-04:00

The Day before

I'm entering the workforce tomorrow. With a myriad of emotions following me wherever I go. Exctiment, fear, anticpation, anger. Positive and negative. It's all new and yet all too familiar. I haven't worked outside the home for almost two years now. Except for Sunday mornings, I never had to worry about things like what to wear or bad hair days. Petty? Perhaps. The end of the world as I know it? If my hair doesn't turn out or I get a run in my stocking it will.

Today is a beautiful, almost fall kind of day. A slight chill to the air that's still warm and inviting. A harbinger of what's to come. Cool, crisp and refreshing. Goodbye heat, humidity and mosquitoes. Hello clean air, golden color and fireplaces. The firewood is waiting. Ready to burn. Apple cider and pumpkins. And of course, I almost forgot (not really) my birthday. Followed closely by Anne's and Kristin's. Fall is a time to celebrate!

Even if I am stuck working.

2003-09-01T16:05:00.000-04:00

Goodbye summer

August is over and today is Labor Day. Summer is winding down and everyone is back to school. Nothing is happening with our house right now...which isn't a bad thing because I like it here. Still looking for jobs right now but no leads as of yet. Just praying and hoping.

I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post. It's not like I didn't have any blog-worthy things to say. No, quite the opposite. I could probably write a novel on this past month alone. But I'll keep it down to a few words and sentences instead.

On Saturday we spent the afternoon at Eagle Creek Park, which is like Indianapolis' version of Presque Isle without Lake Erie. Just Eagle Creek Resorvior which reminds me of a small Chatauqua Lake. We brought Jake along and went for a stroll through the woods. You could hear the faint sound of highway traffic but it was overpowered by locust buzzing and birdsong. We all collected wildflowers along the way to make an arrangement. I put them in water the moment we got home although they look half-dead now. I just love wildflowers and their beautiful colors. I don't look at them as weeds, more like God's beautiful handiwork. I feel His presence all around in the midst of nature. A time for mindfulness and family time. What a great way to spend the afternoon.

After another great service at church (I just love it there!) we pretty much stayed indoors yesterday. Rain, rain and more rain. Flood watch. Flood warning. Oh no! The dreaded Flash flood warning! This is one of those moments I'm thankful to not have a basement!

So all the Labor Day festivities are off. I didn't have plans anyway. Alyssa baked some chocolate chip cookies and I'll make some kind of comfort-food dinner tonight. Something to make a yucky day better.

Anyone want to come over?

2003-08-09T15:25:00.000-04:00

The next journey

It's time to pack up and go....or not. I really don't know. Tom lost his job on July 25th. The For Sale sign is on the front lawn. I hope he finds a job and we stay here.

They say change is good. I like things that are good, but change isn't one of them. It hurts. I'm angry. I want to stay put. God has a different plan. A new journey down a different path. I trust Him. It will be ok.

By the grace of God, it will be ok.

2003-07-25T15:24:00.000-04:00

Accentuating the positive

So the song goes.....

I don't want to think that having a chronic illness will make me eternally sad. Only a slight setback, an inconvenience of sorts. I'm not terminally ill.

So with that in mind, I'd like to share some blog-worthy things that remind me that life is good anyway:

I fixed the dishwasher yesterday, no need for a repairman.
It's time for my semi-annual date with Tom.
5 months til Christmas.
It's not storming today.
Alyssa bought a hamster with her hard-earned babysitting money.
My house is clean....well almost.
The flooding rains made my grass look like Ireland.
I feel good today.
I went on a picnic with my friends last week.
The girls and I played pirates in the park.
Mom called me yesterday.
I still have gas in my tank.
The central air works very well.
My hair turned out the way I wanted it to.
Low humidity.
My children love playing with the old super nes.
All the neighborhood kids like to play at our house.

and the last one:
I am still cool!

2003-07-21T18:38:00.000-04:00

Here I am

Seeing its been almost a month since my last post, I didn't want anyone to think I died or something. Nope, not yet.

This past month has been a real rollercoaster ride although I've been stuck at the lower end of the ride lately. A couple hills here and there but mainly in the valleys. Meaning: I haven't been well. It's been a frustrating battle of not knowing what's wrong and thinking am I crazy? That battle finally ended almost two weeks ago .

The diagnosis? Fibromyalgia.

So I'm not crazy. What a relief. Wait a minute! What do you mean there's no cure??!

Come, let's take a ride down my new road. I hear it's a rough one but the scenery is beautiful. Let's wait and see.

2003-06-23T20:01:00.000-04:00

The pool is now open

And just in time. Spring is gone. Green is being replaced by shades of yellow and brown. Tomorrow's heat index should be somewhere between 95 and 100. Nozone alerts again--no driving in the afternoon.

The pool is up. The tradition of being the neighborhood pool hub has begun.

Hooray for summer!!

2003-06-18T01:13:00.000-04:00

Tuesday night..oh wait..it's Wednesday now!

Days go by so quickly anymore. Like sands through the hourglass.....blah blah blah.....

I think summer has arrived. Alyssa and her friends had a lemonade stand complete with pink and standard yellow lemonade. She certainly has an eye for business. Not everyone likes pink lemonade. Nor the yellow. So.....now there's a choice. And with that she made a profit of 50 cents. That's right! Hooray for Alyssa! 50 cents richer. Richer than me. Stock options available soon. Lemonade stock. She's on her way up!

Would you like to buy a glass?? For here or to go? Would you like fries with that???

Methinks I ought to get some sleep now.

2003-06-10T02:11:00.000-04:00

On God's Holy Shores

Here I am. Almost 1am Indiana time and I had to write. Came back from vacation Saturday afternoon. Piles of laundry, no food, neverending dishes to be done. Meaning: back to everyday life. All the everyday things that still need to be done. So now is a good time to write. All is quiet now. I'm the only one awake.

And I remember. I remember the Gulf of Mexico. Such a wonderous body of water. Warm. Aqua-blue. Teaming with life. Seagulls laughing. Pelicans soaring low over the waves. Shells everywhere. A constant gulf breeze. So I took a morning walk. A quiet time like now but unlike now. Nothing quite so awe-inspiring as time alone with God at the Holy Shores of the Gulf of Mexico. Breathing in the warm, salty air. Taking in every sight and sound. This was our time. God and I. An unexpected rainstorm came but I knew He was there. I was ok. Soaking wet but ok. And as I looked out over the sea during the rain, I saw the most beautiful rainbow! And I felt His presence. We are standing.......on Holy Ground kept going through my mind. My shoes were off. Very profound moment indeed.

2003-05-26T15:36:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day weekend

Ok, so today is Memorial Day, not the weekend. But with holidays come busy weekends and no urge to write. That is, until now. It's a quiet, partly sunny and comfortable day. Lawnmowers and weed-whackers buzz away making sure that one person's yard is better-looking than the other. But here I am inside, enjoying all this from my bedroom window. Sometimes I prefer to watch instead of participate.

Yesterday I participated in watching. Watching the Indy 500.

Not in the comfort of my living room, no, but in Stand C, Section 11, Row GG, Seat 11. Ear plugs ready. National Anthem sung. Jim Nabors singing the traditon of Back Home Again in Indiana. Then the green flag waves and they're off! Those cars roar like nobody's business! T.V. doesn't do it any justice! Then a series af speed, crashes and yellow flags. No one was hurt, thank goodness, just sad. So was I. Losing Sarah Fisher and Micheal Andretti amongst others made me quite sad, at least momentarily. Then back to the excitement. Would Helio Castroneves win his 3rd straight race? Or someone else? At the waving of the checkered flag, Castroneves came in 2nd. Gil de Ferren won his first race. I was very happy for him and his family.

Then the real adventure came, namely the drive home.

Compared to the others who drove all the way from California to see the race, our ride wouldn't be so bad. The roads however were another story. It's like trying to fit the rush-hour traffic on the North Dallas Tollway onto the two-lane Bayfront highway in Erie. Movement is next to none and you're surrounded by angry, loud-mouthed drunk people. We keep the windows up, doors locked, and the radio turned up to drown out the less-than-appropriate language in front of the kids. Three hours later we arrive home safe and sound. I was exhausted.

Today is a day of rest. All is quiet. Except for the weed whackers.

2003-05-13T20:41:00.000-04:00

All is calm

Well, we survived a week-long tornadofest that I hope never returns. Nothing here like Oklahoma, Missouri and Tennessee but we had our fair share of scary moments. At least we only spent one afternoon in our neighbor's basement--not the entire week!

But now it's gone. Fair weather has returned. Skies are blue and the air is fresh!

It's good to be alive!

2003-05-11T19:51:00.000-04:00

A day at the Opera

In honor of Mother's Day I've been sorting out many different memories of Mom and me. One particularly stuck with me:the Opera.

I was 11 years old. It was my turn to go to Cleveland with Mom and see the opera(Peggy went the year before). I was very excited! Although not quite sure of how interesting an opera would be, I'd always think they were so boring, I was looking forward to a day alone with Mom. The opera we were going to see was The Magic Flute--sung in English(most are sung in Italian as far as I know--Mom's the expert on that!). At least I knew I would understand what they were singing. But what was the story about? Mom solved that one. She stopped by the library and borrowed the storybook of The Magic Flute and brought it home to read to me. That's my last recollection of mom reading to me. I was well capable of reading it by myself but I'm glad she read it to me. Mom reading to me was just as exciting to an 11-year old reading machine as it was to a 3-year old just starting out! Very special, and we didn't even go yet. Now that I knew what the story was about, I was actually looking forward to seeing the opera part.

Then the day came.

It was a Saturday morning in May and the sun wasn't quite up yet when we walked down to 18th and Cherry to catch the bus downtown to the Greyhound station. We didn't wait for long. Seeing it was only 6:30a.m. there wasn't any traffic. I swear the bus was doing about 50 across 18th street and then down State Street. What would normally take 15-20 minutes any other day only took 5. That was the most fun city bus ride I ever took! I don't recall waiting very long for the greyhound to pull in. Once we boarded, then it turned into the longest bus ride to Cleveland I ever took! We didn't take the interstate, I think we took Route 20. And we stopped in every small town on the way. Any slightly populated area that had a 4-way intersection qualified as a place to stop. It seemed like we stopped every 5 minutes. So what did we do to pass the time? We counted fire hydrants. I never realized how many there were until that day. Fire safety along Route 20 in the late 70's was at it's best. 4 1/2 hours and 500 fire-hydrants later, we arrived in Cleveland. Grandma and her friend Margaret were there to pick us up and take us to what I thought was the most luxurios hotel I've ever seen in downtown Cleveland. I think it was on or near Euclid Avenue. I felt so rich in my new pantsuit complete with horribly uncomfortable training-bra and new white shoes in an upscale hotel room. Then we ordered room service--pancakes, eggs and bacon--mmmm!! Finally it was off to the show!

The Cleveland Metropolitan Opera. The most beautiful theatre I ever went to! Definitely a formal occasion--ladies in ballgowns, men in their tuxedos and me in my pantsuit! I didn't care. I didn't worry about such things--except for the non-spandex bra strap digging into my shoulder! We finally took our seats in the top row on the right side. The view was spectacular! It was even better with mom's opera glasses. Then it began. I never cared much for opera. I never liked how they sang so opera! This was different though. I could understand them. I knew what the story was about. And the costumes were stunning! I was really enjoying it. But being the young girl I was, and starting the day off so early, I fell asleep on mom's shoulder. If it weren't for the heat up there, I would have slept soundly. Instead it was more like that fighting to stay awake while watching a good movie kind of sleep. Then it was over. We were hungry. I saw what looked like some fancy wedding reception kind of thing. I asked Mom if we could eat there. She said Oh no! It would cost us $100 a plate there! A little too steep for our pocketbooks. So we went to the cafeteria instead and ate well.

Back to the hotel room. Mom and I watched an episode of Star Trek(because no trip would be complete without it!) We took a walk on Euclid Avenue together before heading back to the Greyhound station. Not only was that the first time Mom and I had a day alone together but also with Grandma. A special mom-kind of day indeed! The bus ride only took 2 hours as we zipped back to Erie on I-90. No stops. No distractions. Only time to reflect on this most special of days.

What I learned? Opera was a lot cooler than I realized. I'm still not much into the singing style, but in a theatrical setting, it is just beautiful. Thank you Mom for taking that time with me. I would probably still dislike opera otherwise. Thank you for showing me another side of it.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! I Love You!!

2003-05-04T12:41:00.000-04:00

Sunday Morning

And I'm at home. Should be at Church but....

I overdid it yesterday and am paying dearly for it. But my yard looks beautiful. Perfect lawn. Big red tulips. Brand-new fountain grass. Just lovely. I just love to help God's Green Earth look that much more special. And the smell--glorious! Can't wait to do it again!

But every bone in my body hurts! The work was worth it but--ow! The pain!! Enough complaining.

This is still a beautiful day!

2003-04-26T19:58:00.000-04:00

Here

Yes I'm here. Here I am. And I'm ok. Words are clogged in the fog of my mind. So many things I want to say.

But the fog......

Many untold stories. Have patience. They will come.

2003-04-12T20:43:00.000-04:00

I know I know it's been a while

I just ran out of words after my last post. I will write a better one soon. Just not today. Just soon.

Today was filled with Easter egg hunts and lawn-mowing. Spaghetti and a glass of wine. No bike rides.

Tomorrow perhaps?

Maybe.

2003-04-03T12:14:00.000-05:00

Birthdays and a trip around the block

Happy birthday Elizabeth!! She's 6 already!! Riding around in her brand-new Schwinn bike, new helmet with knee and elbow pads.

I remember.

I remember my 6th birthday. New Schwinn bike complete with training wheels. No helmet or knee pads. One reflector on the back fender. Ready to go. My living room was a bicycle showroom. It was beautiful! I was ready to drive off the lot and explore the world around me. To discover a new frontier. Meaning: a trip around the block! By myself!! No mom to hold my hand. I was free! There was always something enchanting about the houses on Brown Avenue. Quite unlike our 21st Street side. They were much more majestic. We thought millionaires lived there. All rich people lived on Brown Ave. Ordinary folks like us lived on 21st St.

So with that in mind, I set forth on my maiden voyage around the block, new bike without helmet. Around to the other side. Riding by all those beautiful mansions. I wondered what they looked inside. It had to be breathtaking! The big white victorian home across the street and then....The biggest one of all! The big orange Agresti mansion at the end of the block. On the corner of Brown Ave. and Poplar Street. It was so huge! I thought the richest people in Erie had to live there! Oh how I wished to see what it looked like inside! An easy place for a 6-year old girl to get lost while exploring inside.

Then came the best part of the trip--the Poplar Street bike ramps!

Not an official place per se. It was made from overgrown tree roots lifting up the sidewalk. It was like a built-in bike park for us kids in the neighborhood! I would speed up as fast as I could to fly over the hills---and causing a few boo boo's along the way. Then it was back to 21st Street again--and home for some band-aids. But not for long. I was back riding around the block again and again.

Now for the story of when I was allowed to cross the street!

2003-04-01T09:54:00.000-05:00

April fool's

Another month out of the way. It seems when April rolls around it's so much more springy. It's windy, warm. High of 72 and sunny. Doesn't get much better than that! Girls are off on spring break. Elizabeth's birthday is Thursday. Ahh yes. Life is good today. Very good. I savor the good days. Much more now than I used to.

Thankful. Very thankful.

I open the windows and welcome April!

2003-03-28T16:20:00.000-05:00

Another weather-related blog entry....and my health

Watching The Weather Channel, then switching to LWS--our local weather station courtesy of WISH TV(CBS affiliate). After that I switch to Skytrak Weather, because we can never get enough of the weather around here! Then, I feel the urge to change to our regular channels that all read the same thing: Severe Thunderstorm Watch. As if any weather-type channel would misinform me into thinking bad weather is coming or vice-versa. Not like our 24 hour news stations on war coverage. But that's a different story.

Today, despite any weather confusion, I feel well. Too well as a matter-of-fact. Just a little info on what I may or may not have. No clear-cut diagnosis. Thankfully my doctor takes me seriously instead of relying on "normal" test results. So she's treating me as if I have lupus. Not to say that I do have it, but is a very distinct possibility. Very difficult to diagnose--go here to check out any info on this condition. If the link doesn't work go to WebMD.com and type in 'lupus'. It's not as scary as it sounds. It just sucks, that's all.

Makes me thankful for the good days. How beautiful they truly are!

2003-03-22T19:39:00.000-05:00

The many moods of Saturday

I woke up this morning with this amazing feeling of strength and health. Kissed my husband, took the dog out, and fed the girls. Came back upstairs, kissed my husband again, and took a shower. Ahhh...I felt good! Invigorated instead of tired. Had a lunch date with Rhonda and Gina at the Olive Garden. Today is Rhonda's birthday. We had a lot of laughs, good stories, and all-around girl talk. A blue-sky kind of afternoon.

Then....

The dark storm clouds started looming over the horizon. Not quite here, but I knew it was coming. Like when the crawl at the bottom of the tv screen reads Severe Thunderstorm Warning when the sun is still shining. But sure enough, it gets dark, the winds blow, and the thunder crashes so violently as it does in these midwestern states. And in my mental state.

I was thankful for that blue sky today. It's not very often that I see one. Mostly overcast and grey in my mind. A fog of sorts. So I rest. I hope that the storm will pass quickly. And the sun and blue skies return.

2003-03-19T19:34:00.000-05:00

30 minutes

7:30 pm. Our troops are lined up. A time in history. I made an ordinary "comfort food" meal of chicken, mashed potatoes, veggies and the all-important crescent rolls. What irony isn't it? My family gets to partake of a glorious meal while our fathers, brothers, sisters and mothers are out on the front lines, ready to strike. In 30 minutes. We have petty arguements at home while they could die at anytime. I pray for God's peace and comfort with them.

It's scary as hell out there!

God Bless America!

2003-03-18T14:57:00.000-05:00

An in-between day

The day after St. Patrick's Day, the day before war. So I'll just sit back and enjoy today. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Today is peaceful, warm and beautiful. It's business as usual. Warm breezes through my open windows. Endless arguments between my children. Cooking. Cleaning. Waiting for test results again. Keeping Jake out of the garbage. Sleeping whenever I can. Just ordinary stuff.

I'm content.

Whatever tomorrow may bring, I'm at peace. God gave me today. What more can I say?

2003-03-15T18:13:00.000-05:00

Spring cleaning

As I open the windows and let the warm, fresh air in, thoughts of spring cleaning go through my head. Well, not really. So here are some of my favorite quotes on spring cleaning, courtesy of Midwest Living magazine:

Spring-cleaning was a necessity a long time ago when log cabins were boarded up to keep out the winter cold. The arrival of spring presented the first opportunity to clean out all the soot and grime that had accumulated during the long winter months....Those of you living in log cabins may want to continue this practice, but for the rest of us, well, there are better things to do.
-Linda Cobb, The Queen of Clean

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigeratior door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?
-Erma Bombeck

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller

With that in mind, I think I'll clean.

2003-03-14T15:51:00.000-05:00

It's been a while

The sun is shining warm on me today. Spring arrives sometime after 8pm next Thursday. It feels like it has already arrived. Winds blowing fresh from the south. I feel renewed. Refreshed. And all those other re words I can't think of.

Words are still stuck in my mental journal. There are so many.

Someday I'll write them. Just not today.

2003-03-08T12:25:00.000-05:00

Negative, captain

The tests came back negative. Which is good but not so good. I still don't know what's going on. So it's off to a specialist on St. Patricks Day. Ay! A rheumatologist named Dr. Cohen--just like my childhood doctor. What are the chances of that?

Now to enjoy this spring-like day! The sun is shining and warm. Time to go out and play!

Time to fire up the grill!!